Coping with uncertainty when planning your wedding 🌸 My Story of Eloping

One of the biggest struggles people have with wedding planning during the pandemic, is not knowing if and when to set a date, and how many people to invite.

We’re going to talk about those two fears today, but first: a personal story.

When I got married, we didn’t tell my aunt’s family (who are very close to us), OR my husband’s family 🙈

Sofia, Bulgaria, July 2004

It wasn’t malicious or intentional; it was just that we decided to elope with about two days’ “planning”, and we were travelling abroad for it (to my home, Bulgaria), so most of those two days were spent on an airplane, at the airport, or jetlagged. The thought of calling family to explain was an afterthought. There would be no way for them to arrange flights on such short notice anyway. I was 23 and in love, and marriage or wedding traditions weren’t a huge deal to me at the time. So almost no one - including my friends - knew until afterwards. Don’t hate me!

(if you ever want to hear the full story of my elopement, leave me a comment and I’ll write a full blog post about it, I promise)

Anyway, our families who didn’t attend ultimately understood and forgave us, and even sent us money along with their blessings 🥰 Much appreciated! muah😘

The moral of the story is this: if you tend to over-worry (like I do) about offending people, or you try to consider everyone’s feelings before making a decision… This is one time you simply shouldn’t.

Most married couples will tell you the same thing. At a certain point, you put your foot down and say, “This is the way we’re doing it, and whatever happens happens.”

If you haven’t reached that step yet, please proceed to it. :)

I will admit… With age, and after having photographed dozens of weddings, I’ve started to dream of my own bigger celebration, with my aunt and hubby’s family, and my friends, all included. I’m thinking this will be at our 25th anniversary! Lots to daydream about.

But at the time, we did what we could, and we got married. We started our journey.

(a total aside, but no matter how progressive I consider myself to be, and how uncaring for tradition, how little regard I’d given to the thought of marriage… the moment I donned that ring, I felt sexier and more alive. Weird. Anyone else shared that feeling?)

Let’s get to your own wedding planning during covid 🎉

First things first: congrats on being engaged or simply deciding to get married! ❤️ Woot! 🎉

Now come the decisions…

Setting a date during the pandemic:

Should you set a date? Or wait until things are less uncertain?

Should you plan the wedding you originally wanted (a big guest list, people coming in from far away…)?

Or should you go for a smaller shindig, anticipating curveballs that 2021 will throw your way?
*Or*... should you delay the wedding altogether?

These are all good questions, and it’s totally okay if you’re still stalling, not sure which way to go.

First of all, you should know that no matter what decision you end up making, it is the right one for you.

Listen, I *know* social media can lead us astray sometimes, making us get lost in other people’s fairy tales or versions of what’s desirable; it does for me, anyway. But forget about what everyone else is doing. Just go with your gut on this one. And obvi consult your loving partner.

In the last month, a few couples have chosen me to be their wedding photographer for this year. Wonderful, non-traditional, and amazingly quirky couples, who are about to get married - most of them in 2021, but others later… 

When polling these couples on how they chose a date, I heard them say:

1. “We’ve waited long enough and we don’t want to wait any more”

2. “We thought about postponing, but realistically, we don’t know how much longer this will continue, and we just want to start our married life together already”

3. “The date isn’t as important to us; the most important is having the people we love being there. So for now, we’re not putting a date on things. Waiting is worth it, for us.”

4. “We want a compromise between getting married now, and inviting the people we want, so we’re having a smaller celebration now; and postponing the big party for later.”

Do you find yourself in one of those groups? Which one? What is most important to you?

Whatever it is, it’s totally okay and valid. It’s your decision.

I know it goes without saying, but I also know how easy it is to forget your own wishes when you get in the thick of planning. This is why I’m repeating it so often:

🤗 🥰 It’s OKAY to consider YOUR needs & the needs of your partner first when planning YOUR wedding. 🥰 🤗

How many people to invite to your wedding during covid:

This is a big one.

Let’s say you choose to get married this year… how big of a guest list do you draw up?

And when do you mail out invitations?

And do you revoke invites from some people after the fact, if there’s yet ANOTHER lockdown?

The answer is: have as big of a guest-list as you want, send invites as late as you can, and yes, be free to change your plans after the fact.

These things are all okay in covid times (and actually they’re ok in any other times, as well!). The pandemic has forced us all to stay a bit more flexible, and that includes all your guests: they will understand!

You can invite 200 people, and then later call or send hand-written letters to 190 of those people, asking them not to come. In fact, informing them that due to restrictions (or other reasons), your wedding plans have changed.

It’s sucky, for sure, but it’s not the end of the world. Of course they might be sad (especially if they’re close friends or family), but they will appreciate the sincerity and personal explanation.

There are some wonderful resources online that provide tips for exactly what to say to people under all types of contingencies, from eloping to postponing.

For instance, this source gives you template emails for your guests during the pandemic, and this one provides invitation wordings for different wedding scenarios during Covid.

So, if wedding planning fears creep in, just remember…

First and foremost, follow your heart. If you want to set a date in 2021, then do it. If it means a smaller guest list, then so be it. You should also consider eloping. There are lots of local and beautiful elopement spots, where you can have the dreamy day you’ve always imagined with your partner, in an intimate setting. If you’re not sure whether elopement is right for you, then check out my elopement guide right here.

Invite as many people as you want; if you later have to uninvite them, be personal with this. They will appreciate it. If, on the other hand, you love the idea of a smaller ceremony, then this is the perfect year to take advantage of a good excuse for it!

Remember why you’re getting married. Take frequent opportunities to enjoy the thought of the wedding day itself. Visualise it going splendidly. Being EXACTLY what you wanted it to be. Visualize your joy and your partner’s joy. Imagine falling back into bed at the end of your wedding, grinning wildly because it was such a spectacular success. Imagine reliving those stories through your photographs and videos for decades afterwards. Imagine walking the winding path of life, together, married.

And let it lift your heart 🥰

---

I truly hope this was helpful. I’m 40 now, married 16 years, so I can pretend I’m wise and all-knowing 😜Though I didn’t get married in times of Covid, I’ve photographed a few weddings in these strange times and I’ve learned that couples are beautifully resilient, when they stay true to the most important thing - their love and respect for one another. Everything else… is water under the bridge.

Now, happy planning, and as always - if you need me, I’m here and on Insta.

So send me a message (or leave a comment below) about what you’re planning, where you’re getting stuck in the process, and I will try and help! ❤️